Confidence Building

It has been what feels like ages since I’ve had any blog “mojo”. There are so many out there,it can be hard to know what to write about.
Of course my other blog – Melody and Me, I just know what to say,it comes so easy.
I love writing, I may not be particularly good at it, but I do enjoy it.
So,my mission is to now blog a lot more often. To just write.

What has been happening since my last entry?
Well,that was my biggest girl’s birthday acknowledgement,pretty much since then, well a few days before Good Friday, myself and my husband have somehow managed to pick up,what feels like every bug going.
Starting with gastroenteritis which lasted 10 days. It was awful,came with it was my discovery that I am a crap patient.
My first “illness” since the hyperemesis,I can safely say I do not do,being ill. Flashbacks from the pain of being sick made me attempt to hold the vomiting spells in. Took me back to how bad I felt,frustrated with myself that I didn’t feel better sooner than I wanted to be.
I could feel my emotional state suffering. The after effects of HG will remain a lot longer than the assumptions of “just morning sickness”, reminding me how relieved I am to no longer being able to have more children.
Once again feeling fortunate to have such a supportive husband, we adore each others company,never run out of things to say; but at the same time making me question, exactly who my friends are.
But I am rich with the very few who do remain. It does knock my confidence a lot. But these people also know how to rebuild it too.
Anyway,thankfully the children managed to escape this.
We were then hit with colds,which in turn led to viral flu and on to our chests.
It really has been a month of one thing after another. I think we’re finally feeling human.
But being parents there were things we kept going for, day trips, club events.
This past month has had a real knock on effect to my energy levels,with some simple tasks leaving me feeling exhausted.
I am feeling loads better,hoping it’ll continue.
I hate,hate being a patient!
Which brings me to exciting things,because I am rubbish at relaxing,even when I’m feeling poorly, I managed to get some promotional things done for the baby loss,face to face support group I am setting up in my town.
Sorting emails,preparing leaflets,getting funeral directors involved, even getting the mayor involved too. It isn’t long now until the launch.
I’m nervous and terrified.
It is out of my comfort zone, I don’t feel I have a huge amount of confidence, and whilst I’ve organised things before I’ve let the lack of attendance get to me.
It is frustrating, putting the time,effort in to these things then only a handful of people come,even when they’ve accepted.

But I am not going to let this effect what I would like to achieve, it says more about them,than it does me.
I will offer support,a safe place for people to share their experiences.
Nobody should ever feel alone.

In other news, whilst feeling lazy,although my husband says not, I’ve been working on my first real novel. A novel I am planning to submit…somewhere.

Again the whole confidence thing, so many anxieties focusing on the negatives,when I need to be far more positive.
I will do this.

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