April as always begin a little on the heavy side for us, with the anniversary of the death of our daughter on April Fool’s Day, the remembrance dates of saying goodbye, the start of our new lives as parents to a baby who died. It’s never easy, it hasn’t gotten easier, and we’re ok with that, pain only reminds us that she was here, she is real.
We were quite lucky with the weather for the first few days of April, I truly thought the nice spring sunshine was finally moving in. (As I write this in May, there still is no real sign of days filled with glorious weather). We were able to get to a Car Boot Sale, which we probably do 2-3 times a year, we forget about them a lot of the time, and a couple of walks one side of our town to another, as well as a walk around our local nature reserve, we’re incredibly lucky to have the countryside around us.
April saw Biggest Red turn 12, I cannot believe we’re one year away from being officially a teenager, I have no idea where the years go. Looking at the two little Reds I can’t quite believe the biggest was once like them. It is wonderful and scary at the same time, because it has gone so quickly, I fear I have missed something, or that I’ve not done my best at times, blink of an eye and she’ll be an adult.
Where does the time go?
On her birthday, the weather took a turn for the better, so took a trip out to one of our local National Trust properties, Barrington Court, it is lovely there. Beautiful place to just sit and take in your surroundings.
Returning home to have a slice of her birthday cake
We took her and a friend to Zaa Zaa Bazaar in Bristol (an all you can eat food hall), it is one of biggest’s favourite places to eat, we’ve been a couple of times now
Whilst in Bristol we stopped and added a padlock to Padlock Bridge, which is just outside Zaa Zaa Bazaar, we’d of course placed it there in memory of Melody and of all babies taken too soon.
Easter fell in the middle of Easter, we did our Easter hunt, visit to Barrington again and to Nine Springs in Yeovil on Good Friday, whilst the Saturday was a Majorette Fundraiser, Easter Sunday the biggest two went to their Dad’s whilst we took a trip to Exmoor Zoo. Although terribly cold, it was a lovely day out. Baby Red absolutely loved every single minute visiting the animals, her favourites were the Meerkats.
It was lovely to be able to spend some time with Mr Red’s family.
The month brought my first family session that is connected to the Baby Loss group, it was so lovely, I’ve written a little here.
Majorette Competition season begin this month too, has been lots of fun and wonderful to watch he routines.
I was able to collect a rather large cheque from the Mayor for the charity Towards Tomorrow Together, it was a lovely thing to be able to have done, and to raise much-needed awareness for both the charity and Little Daffodils, feels like such a privilege to be able to work alongside Mel from Towards Tomorrow Together, it makes me feel less useless.
Which brings me briefly to April bringing an incredibly dark cloud over my head, I am in the process of writing it out, (because writing it out helps me..) particularly as it is Mental Health Awareness month. I am finding it a lot harder to write it out for this, a lot harder than any of my posts about Melody, I feel somewhat embarrassed for feeling so awful. I am trying very hard to turn things around, it really, really isn’t easy, as they say one day at a time, it is a good job I am excellent with hiding skills…
April has brought snow, would you believe? Although, I’ve really not the evidence as it didn’t settle, my phone couldn’t quite pick it up, Mini Red was disappointed that we couldn’t build a snowman.
People are amazed by the snow in April, but it isn’t that rare, I think if I recall we had a small flurry last year, and the year I left school in *cough* 1999 it also snowed in April, and not just a light flurry, it settled rather well too. I remember getting ready to go to a party, as you do at 16 and having to wear trainers with a dress rather than the nice shoes I had planned. I don’t remember much about that night…
But I also remember my Nan falling and breaking her hip in the snow too that April. 18 years ago, it doesn’t seem possible, again.. Where does the time go?
Completing April 2017, we had a surprise party for Mr Red’s Dad, it was his 60th a few weeks before. It was of a 50s theme, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, we had a lovely time. We even slipped into the 60s nicely and snuck in “Macarena” for a bit of floor filling at the end of the night.
Thank you for reading if you have gotten this far.
Here’s to a hopefully fun-filled May