#100happydays Day Fifty Three

Constant day. Took children to school, they go to their dad’s today. Miss them so much already. Every day. Every week.

But it’s important that they go, I know they come home to me too.
I can’t wait.
Our new internet arrived today, we were with TalkTalk. But their level of service has never been worth what we paid, raising their prices three times this year, then the hacking which appeared in the media recently was the final straw. I’m hoping we’ve made the right decision. 
First training afternoon at work (feels wonderful to say “at work” ). Tough one to have but needed doing. Safe guarding children is such an important aspect to so many roles. I just wish it wasn’t needed. Humans can be so evil. The training has actually led me to expand in the things I do outside of work too, I feel so incredibly honoured to be part of that team. Fulfilling a role, I hope to do well on.
I was told something today, something that is supposed to be a happy occasion. I feel nothing. I don’t really want to say what or who it involves… I hate these kind of statements, half added stories. However I’ve been hurt left confused since Melody died, that I can’t even express in a way I truly want to, because it would mean I would sink to their level. I need to rise above, it is all I ever do. 
I’ve not replied to the statement I was given, I’m not sure how I will either. 
Everyone deserves a piece of happiness, I just cannot bring myself to be involved. 
I’m just not strong enough to say what I really think, or again to so sink to lower levels. 
What to do?
Speak through gritted teeth, pretend to be the happy person everyone watching expects me to be?
To say what I think? Only for the judges out there to not fully understand my reasoning?
To ignore, put my head in the sand and hope it’ll go away!
For now I am wanting to pick the last one… I’ve gotten through worse, I’ve made harder decisions. I just can’t make this one.
Happy moment John returning home.
Picture for attention.
Staring at her handsome daddy.
This picture was from yesterday.
But the pair of them were completely glued to the fireworks taking place somewhere outside.

Funny Days.

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