The start of a difficult few weeks, anniversaries, lingering memories, pregnancy milestones.
With Melody’s birthday due to HG wasn’t able to do a thing for her on her birthday.
Gutted. Had to wait until the next day to visit her.
Just like the day she was born I felt useless, I’d once again let her down.
Heading to the week where Melody had stopped growing.
I really am trying my best to focus I’ve had healthy, albeit small babies.
But my innocence has still been stolen.
First growth scan this week.
Although pleased baby is getting more regular movements now.
It needs to carry on behaving!!
With the regular movements comes the sadness.
As I’ve mentioned before i had an anterior placenta with Melody,
and again I have one this time.
The sadness comes that I never got to feel Melody like I am Bumble (current nickname).
It breaks my heart.
The toddler was able to feel the baby this week too.
I think it frightened her!! Her face was an absolute picture.
“What on earth was that?!!”
She has also compared my stretch marks to drawing.
“Look drawdring” (as she says).
The older two enjoying looking at names.
These tiny humans really are my light, on these darkest of days.
So the day before the first growth scan and my next consultant.
Panic setting in about the baby’s size.
Living on so few “safe foods” has me panicking.
With this in mind I challenged myself to something different, a sense of trying, to lower the guilt that my body is letting the baby (and everyone else) down.
It was a simple slice of toast, with dairy-free butter.
Simple easy food.
Led to a sick mummy and a quiet baby.
Only until I was able to have my safe food did bubba wake up again.
Guess the challenge failed.
Arriving as we do, crossing the road and recrossing back.
1015 we arrived, 1330 we eventually left!
So much to take in..
The consultant, as you can see we’ve been given a date.
Well as maximum date, so could be slightly before.
A date for steroid injections to help baby’s lungs, because of being slightly earlier.
The date is…
Not for you!!
Feels very real now though.
She’s agreed for me to be sterilised too.
I can’t do the sick or the stress again!
Which leads me to becoming a pin cushion or more of one.
I can’t cope with doing a fasting for GTT test, so we’ve agreed a week of blood sugars.
Very relieved to say the least, didn’t want to fast only to be sick.
Or a hospital stay just to do the test.
Which brimgs me to having a blood test, for a series of deficiencies, like vitamin B it COULD be the reason I am being so ill.
Would be amazing to get answers and some proper help!
If it doesn’t work, then we’ve tried.
A dietician gave me multi vitamins in the hope they’ll stick!
Here is one active bubba.
It’s slightly below average on size.
Bittersweet as Melody was 1lb 5oz born at 26+6.
Some PMA found.
Thank you for reading.