blogtober

Secrets – Blogtober 2017

If I were to share secrets, then it would no longer be a secret.

Secrets

I have recently touched upon this a little; because I have been struggling somewhat with living with anxiety. My husband is amazing as keeping me afloat, but I feel incredibly guilty for leaning on him so much. I am not a fan of Doctors so I don’t go and get medication; so I have attempted to treat myself in a more natural way. When I was pregnant with our youngest, my bodily vitamins and minerals were stripped back to the bare minimum, I am still trying to restore back to what I was.

I have been trying to boost my serotonin by drinking Pineapple, there are other foods with it in, but I like pineapple and it is readily available. It really does boost me – I just have to remember to be regular with it.

Struggling

I have really struggled with anxiety and depression this year; I feel almost silly for suffering with it; being one of the luckiest women alive to have such a loving family, I feel like I should be happy all the time – I am; but just sometimes I really struggle to cope mentally and at times feel like I am drowning; I have lost focus and friends over the years and it makes me feel lonely, it brings me down; I really hate being so sensitive to things, especially things which are out of my control. But it often does leave me questioning. Am I a nice person? Trust doesn’t come easy.

I feel really embarrassed feeling the way I do, sometimes I really can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I do need to get better. I’m glad to have my husband, children and the few friends to make me smile when everything seems to turn to shit.

Chemical

Earlier this year I had a very faint positive pregnancy test, being sterilised it was a huge shock; I had missed a whole period and some. Of course it didn’t amount to anything. It was of a chemical kind, where it seems my body released HCG but nothing else. Although it is something we definitely didn’t want, there was a day or so where I felt that pang of excitement (more fear), a natural feeling I guess. They’re not sure why or what even happened. I’m not even sure on what to feel about it all., it isn’t something I have wanted to talk about either. I never expected to be taking another test, I never expected to see a cross.

I have a real fear about being pregnant again. Pregnancy has never treated me very well. I never had that glow, that fuzzy feeling. I wish I did.

Apologies for such a crappy post!! I don’t have many secrets; I am a life blogger after all.

secrets

Here is a more relaxing post.

Completing Day 19 of #blogtober

 

 

 

 

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