Under Construction Eight – Hyperemesis

The milestones are coming.
The limbo is coming to an end.
This for me is far scarier.
I know some find 12 weeks their safe zone, some even think 8 weeks is safe.
Which to be fair if its someone close, I wonder if Melody’s story means anything.
I know she has taught some valuable lessons, makes me feel she’s doing something.
I think losing her, well even her birth taught me so much more than nothing is safe.
But I’ve learned so much more about being attuned to my body.
Although not had to use that yet!!
This next half is a whole other level of scared.
Its what keeps me on my toes!
I’m in for one hell of a ride!

Another week of being able to hear baby’s heartbeat.
The blood tests begin, although we’re positive it’ll be nothing.
I still cant help wondering. But it helps a little to know I’m being cared for.
The anxieties, but I guess hormones are making things hard.

I’m finding it harder and harder to talk about my fears face to face with people.
I think maybe a fear of alienation, (although I think its too late for that) lack of understanding, not only due to the pregnancy fear, but the HG too.
And if I don’t talk about them, maybe I could pretend to be normal.
Maybe they’ll go away.
Tears help.
The HG is at the moment being aggravated by a cold and cough that seems to be lasting forever.
Picking up everything going isn’t fun.
With Anaemia now in the mix, its hardly surprising!
Does make me more concerned on how baby is really doing.
Its beginning to feel a little familiar, bit too close to Melody’s pregnancy.
But of course I know this IS the anxiety talking,
just hard to snap out of…
But people telling me to snap out of it won’t help either.
now, where’s the Spatone?!

This week I think I have finally felt the baby!
I think, still not overly sure, I can’t quite make my mind up.
I hope it’ll be soon. Impatient mini!

Bumpity bump!!

The sickness seems to be creeping in worse again.
Burning from the inside out.
Bringing up bits of blood again.
Yet its still being compared to morning sickness.
The wonder why magic pills just don’t work!
HG rarely stops after the first trimester.
If only!

Night before anomaly scan, and to say I’m nervous would be a  huge understatement!
I don’t think a lot of sleeping will be done tonight.
However the insomnia is letting me catch up with reading.
Almost completing Breaking Dawn for the millionth time,
I downloaded Casual Vacancy.
As a Harry Potter Fan I’m hoping I don’t miss the wizards!


Friday the 13th.
Day of anomaly.
They say ignorance is bliss right?
Maybe if we don’t go, it’ll be fine, yeah?
A split second thought of course, if only for innocence?!
Awake since 3 ish.
Breaking Dawn now complete, Casual Vacancy Chapter Four!
Definitely no wizards!
Tiredness vs HG isn’t going to bode well.
Even before the scan arrival, the hospital itself always brings a trigger.
From not parking on ground floor to crossing the road so we dont walk next to NICU,
then of course crossing back for the clinic, I guess if we were being watched we’d look crazy.
No matter how many times we visit the place, it’s still a hard place to be.
I guess that’ll never change.
Faces recognisable, engrained into my memory.
Not very easy.

But I just need to keep breathing, keep focus!
And fill my bladder.

The random chatter as we attempted to quieten our anxieties down.
Managing to sort out my medication woes, was the first tiny relief.
Walking into the scan room,
Placing the warm jelly onto my belly, I briefly turned away,
“There’s the heartbeat”
That was my cue to look.
There it was lovely heart.
The woman was very thorough, explained everything as she went.
Baby on the smaller side of the scales.
And currently weighs 307g (11oz) 2 oz less than its older sibling at this stage.
Only 300 or so less than Melody’s birth weight!

Just pleased its healthy.

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