Tag Archives: The Red Head Diaries

My Cheerful List #20

Welcome back to My Cheerful List. A chance to share with you something which has made me cheerful during the week, whether it be large or small, it is important to find something good even when it feels impossible. Thank you for joining me! We have reached week 20!

The Impossible

So, I have found that first “impossible week,” where I am struggling to find something cheerful during my week. It has felt quite the opposite if I am honest. I have been absolutely exhausted this week; with no signs of it getting much better. Both my mind and my body shattered; which led to full body aches and pains; and as I write this I am currently suffering from tonsillitis; with Friday just gone being the worst affected – which made me feel guilty with it being my lovely husband’s birthday.

I know nobody enjoys being ill, but I hate it and constantly counting down to when I should be better again; then it frustrates me when I don’t.

 

Work

I have done extra shifts this week, and have repeated volunteering at the school too; which is lovely. I have now been given a regular set of children I get to work with. I am trying to get used to them all calling out “Mrs S…” when I arrive. It is amazing!

 

Nurses Appointment

I had an appointment with the nurse this week; not one for visiting the doctors or surgery; I try to avoid if I can help it. But I had a long overdue smear test appointment; I knew I needed to get it done. I suffer from health anxiety – it is horrible, it puts me on edge a lot; so it hasn’t been the procedure that has out me off, it is the outcome. Obviously, I now have that wait for the results; I just have to hope that they are okay.

I walked in; she asked why I hadn’t been in for a while for my smear, then I began to cry. Everything came pouring out from the health anxiety, how it stems from losing M. She listened – for the first time in a long time, I actually felt like my words were being heard. She explained how what I am going through is a form of PTSD. I need to try and take care of myself. There were some other things said, which my husband and I need to talk over, it just felt nice to be spoken to and listened to in a sensitive manner, having lost all faith in the support system. It felt comforting.

 

Cheerful

As I said above it hasn’t been an overly cheerful week; but I am incredibly lucky to have my family, they somehow always find a way to make me feel cheerful. My son enjoyed his new scooter – a belated birthday present. The husband seemed to enjoy his birthday presents too.

My eldest daughter had a parents evening this week; it was very positive. She has chosen her G.C.S.E subjects; which he will begin in September.

So, even when the week has mostly been rubbish. I have managed to find something cheerful this week.

 

I have some posts which went live this week here they are in case you missed them.

Working Mum and Stay At Home Mum

Flash Fiction Friday –This one I had an amazing response to; which has now given me some ideas.

 

And I revived from Melody and Me as it appeared on my Time Hop

What Day Would You Want To Live Again?

Have a good week.

Working Mum And Stay At Home Mum

Early Jobs

I have always loved working. I’d had Saturday and weekend jobs as a teen; the thrill of your first wage packet, then each one afterwards.
I’ve moaned about different days at work, had tears of sadness and of course the laughter.
My weekend jobs consisted of hairdressing salons, a residential home or photography, the last one I loved!! (I wish I had pursued it).
I left school wanting to be a hairdresser, but quickly realised my mistake and went for a job in the care industry.
There I stayed for many, many years. I switched from different employers but always within the same industry.
From a small residential home to a cottage hospital; to care at home, to a much bigger hospital. I had always loved working.

 

Having Babies and Maternity

When I went onto Maternity and had babies there were moments where I thought about not returning to work, how I’d miss them, the dread of missing out on all their important moments. But once I had returned I’d always liked it and there was never any question I’d be a stay at home mum. At the time we were lucky to fit child care in with family and friends; it worked well. It felt important to me to keep some kind of social aspect outside of being a Mum. The balance felt right.

 

Changes

I ended up losing my job at the bigger hospital; I was devastated – but I came to other opportunities and was able to experience other things as an agency; and found it even easier to balance home and work life. Things at home then changed; I fell pregnant again, then I wrote my car off (not my fault), I became ill with the pregnancy condition Hyperemesis which saw me having to give up work, or at least take maternity a lot earlier than planned. Luckily for me, these employers were really accommodating to this. When our much-loved baby didn’t make it home; it left me feeling incredibly confused about everything I had ever done since beginning my working life – literally everything changed.

It didn’t take me long to decide that I could not return to doing care work; I told my employers and they told me I could go back anytime. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to.

 

Staying At Home

With the aftermath and a new pregnancy I didn’t return to any work; I became a stay at home Mum; not only did I have the hyperemesis again; but of course there was no way I could face it; particularly when I knew I would be starting something brand new –  I had no clue what.

I remained a stay at home Mum for three years; we had two babies in that time; I did do the occasional freelance work here and there; but nothing on the scale of making “real” money.

Being a Mummy after an Infant Loss.

It has been wonderful being able to stay at home with them, make memories, do more things with them; not rushing through life. I was able to do more baby groups with baby number 4 and for a short while with baby number 5.

Being a parent after loss certainly changes you; your perspective on life and what is important – but the ugly side was being too scared to leave them with anyone else; too scared to miss out on a moment, even a second of their life; it can be incredibly suffocating and very isolating; which in turn led me to make a new decision.

 

Working

In 2015, when our youngest turned 4 months old (the same age my eldest was when I returned to work with her); an opening came at the school my children attend; it was to only be an hour and a half a week; but I felt it was an hour and a half of being me again. It wasn’t about escaping the baby or not wanting to be around her; but I really and maybe even selfishly wanted some time to myself, and that was to go to work, even if it was only a very short period per week.

I love it. Working with children is not something I ever imagined doing as a job, but now I can’t imagine doing anything else. Well apart from writing full time!! I have increased my hours; it hasn’t been easy to arrange child care; family members aren’t always available and childcare comes at a price. But we have sussed it and it is working well. I love this little part-time job.

It gives me that little break away from the house; a chance for me to miss them, a chance for them (her) to miss me. It works out really well.

 

Stigmas

Having been both sides of the coin, a stay at home mum and a working mum; the opinions of others really do show through. How society thinks parents – more so mothers should be with work life, how the government also sees parents too.

Stay at Home Mums in particular get a lot of stick for being home; often the case is like ours where the husband goes out while Mum stays at home –  we were okay with that; but I felt embarrassed (not for anyone else, but me personally), because I wasn’t working, leaving the children for someone else to look after. I felt like I would be judged for not going to work. My mother in law was incredibly supportive of it, and felt that all Mums should have the option to stay at home should they wish, with no repercussions financially or from society. Some families simply can’t afford the childcare – like us.

Working Mums don’t escape the judgement either, through forums or hearing people talk about how these Mums spend no time with the children they choose to have. Some Mums don’t have the financial choice to stay at home; the need to live and support using both parents is greater at times than those wanting to stay home and look after their child; this too is us.

Sometimes it feels like a lose-lose battle.

 

Parenting

As parents we really are doing the best we can, whether that means a parent staying at home either through love or because finances need or allow them to; or going to work because staying at home would cost families a home and food.

I have really enjoyed being back to work; I found myself lost and at times incredibly lonely being at home. Not working meant there wouldn’t be many outings or Mums coffee mornings, because of having little or no money. As much as I love my children; I love being able to do nicer things with them, take them places and above all.

Keep my sanity!

Working and home balance

Because parenting is bloody hard work; judgement or not. There’s nothing easy about it – but it is incredibly rewarding.

Flash Fiction – Ruins

Walking through a red-bricked building, a building I recognised but I couldn’t quite grasp what it was. I knew where I was but I felt lost. As I walked around with my husband, it soon became apparent I was at the hospital. Corridors, there were doors everywhere. They still didn’t look completely recognisable.
We could hear a baby crying, it wasn’t a loud cry, all of the doors we tried were locked or had nothing behind them.
The cry remained at the same volume no matter which direction we stood, where we walked the crying followed.
We found an unlocked door leading to a room full of incubators.
The door behind us slammed shut, we tried the door but it had locked too. Leaving us trapped in the room.
The incubators were empty.

The cot cards all said her name, but there were nurses to each incubator, tending to an empty plastic box. It was confusing. Nurses looked at us, pity eyes. Heads were shaking. Yet nobody moved from their spot. Another door at the other side of the room was slightly open.
Heads down we made a run for it.
The door led to the outside, open air.
But it wasn’t what we were expecting.
As we turned to look at the building, it was a crumbling ruin. Nothing seemed in one piece, rubble replaced the corridors we had not long left behind.
The door we’d used was the only thing that remained standing.
Incubators smashed on the floor, cot cards were strewn from the wind.
There was no explosion, no earthquake.
This thing happened; nothing was the same as it was five minutes ago.

We tried to run, but the rubble was surrounded by metal fences, high with barbed wire circling the top.
The further we went the more fences appeared. It was never-ending.
The building seemed a distance away, the crying baby remained.
No matter how we tried there was no escaping.
We were stuck.
We fell to the floor, heavy with defeat, the night sky drew in.
Our eyes closed, simply because there was nothing else for them to do.

When we woke, the sky was grey but bright. The rubble and fences were still there, but the ruin looked somewhat beautiful.
Daffodils stood in front of the door, they’d also replaced the broken incubators.
Everything was the same but different too.
Escaping was still not an option.
I wake up.

Last week’s fiction if you missed it

kiss a ginger day

National Kiss A Ginger Day

ginger
Apparently, it would seem this is a thing, it is a day in January to “celebrate gingers”.
I was horribly teased throughout my whole school life, repeatedly called carrot top, or ginger (pronounced with a hard G). People didn’t have a nice thing to say about it.
Even my Mum “joked” that she asked the nurses if I was hers because I am ginger.
It was bloody horrible. I spent so long growing up wondering what the hell I had done wrong, why I was so hated, why my hair colour was so disgusting – or at least that was how I felt because of how much I was teased.

It does set you up, forever, even friends had a go, of course looking back, they weren’t really friends to be doing that.
People had a fascination with wanting to know if we had ginger pubes (or ginger bollocks if you were a lad). But children, adults find it acceptable to ask because we’re ginger, in all fairness, it’s harassment, why people feel the need to know such personal things is beyond me.
I have never understood the ginger discrimination,

neither has anyone else ever had a valid reason to do so either.

“It’s different.”
“It’s ugly.”
“You’re disgusting.”
None of which are valid points to make another human being feel disgusting and unloved.

I don’t think society has changed, as far as I know, my children haven’t been bullied for their hair, which I’m glad about, but that could be because there are more in schools (we’re pretty damn hot).
But I do still hear adults make snide remarks about ginger hair, it only rubs off into the next generation. As someone who deals with baby loss families, I’ve even heard baby loss mums say about their own child “at least they weren’t ginger”. Very unpleasant.
It’s sad and bloody hurtful.

I may be oversensitive, overreacting, but when you have had a lifetime of teasing because of your hair colour, it gives you every right to be sensitive; but at the same time, it gives me the right to stand up for myself.

I’m a redhead, and now I love it, I love it more because all of my children have red hair, although the daughter we lost had strawberry blonde.
National Kiss a Ginger Day? Remember that there could be a redhead out there being teased, being forced to be kissed by some bully because to them it’s funny.

There is nothing wrong with having ginger hair-nothing. The only people who are wrong are those who ridicule others. That’s ugly.

Hot Red Heads

Kevin McKidd
Florence Welch
Ed Sheeran
Prince Harry
Tim Minchin
Kate Walsh
Sarah Drew

So many more!

Facebook Couple

He is my Soul Mate.

 

I am not “A ginger”. I am a person.

We are bloody awesome!!

Flash Fiction – Ned and Olive

“Ned, why are we here again? Every Year you make me visit; each year we do nothing; no contact or anything. Absolutely nothing! Apart from sitting here just watching. Could we not at least have a little fun?”

“I know we come every year but it fascinates me. I like this little tradition it has been done for many, many years. Maybe we’ll plan on doing something next year.”

“You say that every time too.”

Ned and Olive would sit on their seats each year and people watch.

Watching people as they went about their business; some were rushing, others slowly shuffled along their way at a slower pace. Nobody ever seemed to notice that they were being watched. Ned and Olive never had an acknowledgment or a word of hello. They were passed by completely unnoticed.

“You know you don’t have to come Olive.” Ned said to her softly as he took her hand, trying not to take his eyes from the crowds.

“You know that I couldn’t not come, I would miss your eyes light up.” Olive replied.

Ned moved his head for a moment to face Olive. Giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Olive and Ned were very close, and as much as Olive wasn’t keen on his wild adventures, she enjoyed his company more.

Their favourite time of the evening was coming, even Olive admitted to it being her favourite part too. The groups of people were slowing down, there were smaller groups bunched together. Families and friends, strangers all stood together in the same area, waiting and watching. All Ned and Olive could see were back of heads; they weren’t the type to get too close, or too involved.

They just loved the magic, the anticipation. The couple had come to learn that this was a New Year’s Eve celebration; it was their favourite one too. Ahead of the crowd was a large clock, brightly lit the hands moving into the direction of a countdown. It was almost time.

5,4,3,2,1!! HAPPY NEW YEAR! Booms filled the skies with bright lights hitting the clouds. Boom.

“Come on Olive, quick.” Ned grabbed her by the hand.

“Where are we going?” She replied as they moved to their vehicle. “We will miss our favourite show.”

“No we won’t.” Ned responded excitedly.

As he sat behind the controls, he looked at Olive. “Let’s take a closer look.”

It wasn’t something they had ever done, their vehicle rose and moved amongst the fireworks. Looking around them they could see the sparks, it was a perfect light show; from down below they could see people pointing to the show; but their fingers also followed Ned and Olive’s movements too.

The Glowing red light which lit up their ship had remained on – they had been seen.

It was time for them to leave, following the highest of fireworks until they were no longer in sight, out of the Earth’s atmosphere into the starry space; making their way home to Mars.

“Same again next year, Olive?”

“Yes, please.”

December Favourites. Christmas Themed.

Welcome to this December round up. We’ve reached the end of 2017; I have no idea where the month has gone. It has sped through very quickly.

Looking back it has been relatively busy; which is probably why it feels like it went so quickly.

Ralph the Reindeer

For the past few years we have had a special Christmas Team to make December fun, and help with the excitement. The children love the reindeer the most; well better than the elf or the Penguin. To be honest we haven’t been particularly active with him this year, a little disappointed with myself for not keeping up with him; but we have been busy.

 cheerful christmas

Nights Out

It isn’t something I do a lot of these days; I have low confidence and I just love being at home with my little family; even when they do drive me nuts some times. But this month I ended up on THREE nights out, one with the Majorettes’ Committee, which was such a giggle – including Naughty Secret Santa; which ended in me receiving The Puppetry of the Penis DVD. Another night was with Mums from Reception Classes; I don’t normally go out with people I barely know; but I am pleased I did as it was a lovely evening.

cheesecake

Finally work’s Christmas outing, again another brilliant night out; where we have all agreed we need to do it more often!

School Performances

My son was included in the multiple school choir concert, which was lovely. He really enjoys performing. This month also saw Little Red’s first Nativity; it was all very sweet they were all so good performing.

Festive Trip

We took our annual trip to Killerton House; where they had themed their decorations on Wind in the Willows, throughout December the children loved it!

We then took a trip into Exeter for lunch and some shopping. The children were all beautifully behaved.  It was really nice to spend the day as a family.

 

Cinema Trip

A long with a friend and her little one, we took a trip to the cinema to see Paddington Bear 2 it was a lovely treat for the girls, the film was really good.

December Inset Day

Little Red and Baby were invited to go to Little’s friend’s house, where other girls were there too, they had a brilliant time, dressing up, giggles and lunch. It has been lovely making new friends.

Majorette Christmas Party

End of the year Majorette Christmas party which was nice, fun to have a dancing partner too.

 

Christmas Fairy

As an offer from the Charity in which I volunteer, there was an opportunity for Santa to visit children’s homes who have lost a sibling. As Little Red isn’t keen on Santa, we requested a Fairy instead, they loved it, each of them receiving a gift, it was a very special half an hour.

 

Melody’s Christmas – random acts of kindness

Each year I say to myself that visiting her will get easier, that decorating her will be an “Okay” tradition. But it isn’t 5th one since we lost her, and still as painful as the first one. It really will never be okay that she is in a cemetery away from the warmth of her loving family. Yet it isn’t something we will stop; at least not for now.

Christmas decorated headstone

We usually buy her gifts, garden ornaments or candles, but couldn’t find anything we liked; I am reasonably fussy on what we do get for her. So this year we decided to do random acts of kindness. There are three I won’t reveal, it was nice watching from afar on how much the recipient enjoyed our offering. We candy bombed cars, and benches, even our local café too, that was fun! Finally we donated books to the school in Melody’s memory; the school really loved them. Books and stories are so important to our world.

Secret Santa

A few years ago as there are a few of us in the house; and it can get busy and low funded; we decided to start a Secret Santa – although whilst the youngest two can’t really read or shop alone it isn’t quite as secret as you or I would imagine. Names do go into a hat; we have a budget, and then shop for our selected person. They love it and have asked to do it every year, will be nice when it is fully secret. I was given a notebook, pencils and a diary.

Christmas Part One

This year our Christmas Day is celebrated on Boxing Day. The girls here at home have had small gifts from Santa, but the fairies will deliver Christmas Day night, ready for our Christmas. It always weird when they’re not around for Christmas, we usually go away but this year decided to stay at home, watching Christmas films including Wallace and Gromit (okay not entirely Christmas, but I remember it being on at Christmas), we had pizza for lunch.

Christingle Church

This year we also went to the Christingle Service, wrote Melody’s name on a star for the memory tree, it was lovely going with friends.

 

Christmas Part Two

10:30 Boxing Day Morning our Christmas finally begun! The children returned, it was absolutely wonderful, piles of presents, which I had collected over the year (spreading it over the year is so much easier. I cannot wait to restart). I’d brought my older two the Instax Cameras, which they love, Little Red also has a camera and Baby Red a Rainbow Tea Set.

They all seemed to love every minute.

 

I received an action camera, kindle (I can once again play Township!!), loads of books to read! (I know the irony of having a new Kindle AND new books).

My Mum in Law came to lunch where we had a Fry-up (well, grill-up), that was lovely; followed by my Father in Law visiting in the evening, with my sisters in law too. It was a wonderful time.

I really hope you all had wonderful December.

New Feature and A Shake Up

Happy New Year!

New

If you are a regular reader you will know I have been blogging for a long while, both here and over on Melody and Me. I adore writing so it only seemed right that I had these blogs where I could pursue some kind of hobby. The things I wrote about our memories, just flowed.

I moved to self-hosted in September and somehow I found myself becoming less and less unique to me; and more and more trying to be like the thousands of other bloggers out there. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it can feel at times very stressful, competitive to try and at least get your work read.

Then as I was writing “another” random Christmas post trying to keep up with these hundreds of bloggers, it suddenly dawned on me that I had started to hate the thing I loved, this one thing for as long as I can remember loving; I started to fall out of love with it.

The blogging community are wonderfully supportive; and of course there some amazing ones out there. I just lost my way; and was holding on to ropes for which I have no clue to what they are for. I even came to a stage where I wanted to stop completely; even Melody and Me- which is definitely something I didn’t want to do.

Muchness

So I made a decision to find my “muchness”, MY style again. Back to sharing our family; our memories.

As I have mentioned I have always loved writing, which includes wring stories; I have been in the process of writing books for years, but just haven’t quite finished them; several unfinished books and years later I need to now shake myself into getting past this imaginary fear and do it – complete these books.

As someone with a very active imagination through being awake and when dreaming, I have ideas filed in my head, notebooks, and computer of stories. .Short bursts of fiction, waiting to be released, leading me to begin a new feature on the blog.

 

Fiction Friday!

Each Friday I will be publishing a short story, fictional no regular theme to them (unless I happen to place a two-part piece in there.)

I am a little nervous about this feature; writing about memories is comfortable – easy I guess; as I am writing in the moment. It’s family life.

Fiction reaches out in so many ways, different genres; different tales and scenarios. I just need to stop letting fear get in the way. I really am excited about this new feature, have plans and ideas right up until next Christmas!

Writing

I have recently joined a local writers group where we’re all set to motivate each other to at least write something – a page, chapter; anything which gets us doing the thing we love. So I will aim to finish at least one of the children’s adventure books I have started; plus a supernatural thriller too.

The Red Head Diaries

Of course I will still be writing our memories and life in general. I just would like to add something a little extra, and eventually find my love for writing and of course blogging again.

I really hope you will love the short stories as much as I have releasing them.

The first one will be this coming Friday – The first Friday of 2018!!

See you then.

 

my cheerful list

My Cheerful List – Week 14

Welcome back to my Cheerful List. Each Sunday I share with you things that have made me cheerful during this past week. In times where life can feel overwhelming, it is nice to try and find something, even if it is one thing that has made us Cheerful. Week Fourteen.

The week hasn’t been overly full of things which I have done. The week has certainly gone by super-fast!

 

Christmas Night Out: Take One

Majorette Committee night out was last Sunday evening; we had a brilliant time – well as company; We didn’t go much on the place we chose to spend the evening, without mentioning the venue, we’d most likely not go again. They were very slow in service (minimal customers), and quite pricy. BUT as an outing; I cannot remember the last time I laughed as much as I did, tears and almost struggling for breath. It was lovely. We talk all the time and work together for the troupe; but we don’t really socialise a lot outside; we’re all really busy; it is wonderful when we do.

 

Carol Concert

My young man is in the school choir, this week they got to perform in our local Guildhall along with three other schools, as per normal it was brilliant; he loves every bit of performing he can. He did also have a DVD showing of a “university” project; but unfortunately bad Mama forgot! But he forgave me.  Once the concert had finished we treated the children to dinner out.

 

Christmas Preparation

This weekend I had attempted to blitz the upstairs of our house, being ruthless and donating or throwing things which we no longer use. I am looking forward to decorating in the New Year; a complete overhaul I think. Present wrapping is almost completed too.

 

Girls Day Out

Today (Sunday), a friend and I took our four and three year old out for the day; took them to do a little shopping, some lunch at McDonald’s (their choice), then the best bit – a cinema trip; we watched Paddington 2. Now I will admit; I love the books, I love the bear and even the series growing up; but wasn’t overly keen on the first Paddington. But I really, really enjoyed the second one; so did my girlie. It was lovely.

Cheerful Moments

This week the husband and I decided to perform random acts of kindness, donations to the school, candy cane bombing and a third – which I am happy to stay anonymous for; although it was lovely to watch from a distance to see it was received well. We’re going to do two more, which we can’t decide exactly what yet – but it is of course in memory of Melody. We haven’t found a gift we like for her this year; we simply couldn’t do anything for her; so we decided to do things for others instead. One for each week she was with us.

 

 

I hope your week has been kind to you. We have so far had no rain – but I can see we will be needing boats before long as the local rivers begin to burst.

Stay safe. Have a good week.

thank you midwives

Thank You Midwives – I’m Sorry.

There is currently a hashtag knocking around celebrating Midwives; with this a well-known company is donating per every hashtag. #thankyoumidwife.

Difficult Pregnancies

 

Right from my second pregnancy (my very first ended in miscarriage); it became apparent that I simply do not ‘do’ pregnancy well. The one thing which my body is built to do; just doesn’t do it comfortably. There was certainly never any blooming going on! Hyperemesis and high risk pregnancies to name a couple…

 

When I was pregnant with my first two I had a wonderful Midwife – S. She had to have been one of the nicest health care professionals, and that she was perfect as a midwife for any first time Mum. S was always patient with me, with my questions with the numerous of times I had to spend the evening at the hospital because I had Pre-Eclampsia symptoms; she always wanted to play it safe. Until a little over 36 weeks, where I ended up being sent over; that time I was induced, eventually having my first child at 37 weeks. I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her postpartum, as baby was in special care for the first week. But I was pleased to have had her for my midwife.

She even came to my first wedding!

Next Baby

 

Just over two years later I was expecting baby number two; sickness arrived so did S; once again she was amazing; slightly easier pregnancy. Once he was born she would come out at 9pm to help with my Clexane (we were too squeamish at that time – wait to see); waited with me whilst we waited for a GP as I had a suspected blood clot. Fortunately it wasn’t.

S was brilliant, and many still speak of her now – she is lovely.

Baby Number Three

 

When I remarried and fell for baby number 3. S was no longer a midwife for the community, a health visitor instead (another perfect role for her). I met B; she was my midwife for this baby

Baby number 3; in my head I had everything planned; I had asked to have a vaginal birth after two caesarean sections; the consultant had agreed. Everything was set – in my head. I had bleeds on and off, I was suffering with Hyperemesis again, ante-natal depression, SPD. So some reason I felt incredibly anxious for this pregnancy.

About 22 weeks I was showing signs of Pre-eclampsia; B sent off bloods, they came back clear. Ten days later symptoms were arriving stronger; my fingers swelled to near splitting; I took myself into see a midwife – not mine. It wasn’t the nicest of experiences – I will leave it there. Twelve days later at 26+6 our daughter was born.

Flashing forward to five week where she died; we left the hospital lost and confused. B came to visit; she was one of the very few health care professionals who came to see us. She went out and collected a prescription which stops milk production; that meant a great deal. B even came to the funeral; or at least the end of it. She didn’t have to but she did.

Baby Number Four

 

We fell pregnant a couple of months later; B was my midwife again – was relieved it was her. She was the ONE person to put in some support for us professionally. Charities and other places were turning their backs because our baby was too old; but B put us in touch with CRUSE; I am so grateful to her; because she didn’t have to; this was a different pregnancy; she didn’t have to help us deal with the poor outcome of our previous one. But she did. The pregnancy was difficult; weekly appointments, scans; visits to the hospital; plus Hyperemesis; but B remained calm and supportive; she became my advocate.

She helped us bring our next baby home. This baby was going to be our final one.

And then.

Baby Number Five

 

Then I fell pregnant with my 5th and final baby; where the hyperemesis, made me seriously ill. I could barely lift my head from the pillow, being upright only made me sick. B was once again my midwife, where she did home visits every week because I couldn’t cope with going to clinic, even a slightly wrong smell made me sick; she did everything within her power to make it easier on me. It was an incredibly difficult pregnancy; one which made my sterilisation decision easier! But again she went out of her way to help me bring this baby home too. She ensured I had the top consultant for the level of care I needed too. Helped to get my Clexane prescribed too, as I was immobile through the vomiting (I had the injecting down to a tee – 10weeks until 6 weeks post ought to do it!)

Midwives

 

These midwives do not get enough recognition; or thanks.

I will admit I have met some horrors who will stay a part of my pregnancy journey for the wrong reasons; it is a wonder why they do their job.

But I am here to give thanks to S and B for helping me bring my babies home.

Melly died, she never came home – yet B STILL wanted to help, when no-one else did.

S ended up being my health visitor, as we had a specialised one – She is worth her weight in gold! Losing a baby who was not a miscarriage or stillbirth, has been an incredibly lonely place; it is awful but this woman for the first two years, because they are the worst did nothing but show empathy, listened and didn’t push.  I wish more were like her.

 

Thank you S and B – so much. We’re so grateful.

I am sorry I was such a difficult lady!!!

 

 

November 2017 Favourites

November went by in a flash! With the busyness of Christmas I think it always seems a fast month.

 

Birthday

It feels like a life time ago since it was my birthday at the beginning of the month. I was very spoilt by my family and friends, as well as a lovely trip to Bristol having lunch in Zaa Zaa Bazaar! My husband always knows how to spoil me. I am very lucky to have him.

Zaa Zaa Bizarre

Carnival

We actually managed to watch a carnival this year, a fairly big one too! North Petherton; it rained for the whole procession, but it was brilliant. The work the clubs put into the floats to make sure the detail for their themes are spot on; so clever.

Days Out

We took a trip to the local Donkey Sanctuary with friends, which was nice; very chilly the temperatures had definitely dropped. Another outing was a trip to Forde Abbey which was lovely – damp but nice. I slipped down a bank, I did get very muddy, was a little sore. But it was funny – always me. I can’t remember ever going there, so it was nice to take a walk; as it was a Wednesday in November it was free to walk the gardens; even better!

Forde abbey

I walked a little more to the school run; at least until we got hit with stomach bug after stomach bug; it has certainly been doing its rounds. Horrible stuff; as someone who has a phobia; really not my favourite thing.

 

Majorette Event

We had our final Majorette display of the year, leading Father Christmas out for the Crewkerne lights switch-on. It is a very quick but lovely event for their local community.

Crewkerne Christmas Tree

The year has gone quick; won’t be long until competitions begin in the spring again!

 

School Plays and Christmas Preparation

My son’s school year has spent months preparing for a performance. This took place at the very end of November; it was an incredibly well put together play, with all the children playing an important role; the play was Oliver Twist – no musical, and definitely not sugar coated. He was one of three boys who played Bill Sykes; he loved every single moment of it, from the preparation to rehearsals even to assisting to take the sets and props away.

school play

We put of Christmas Decorations up, a tree and some tinsel around the picture frames. Our Christmas Team arrived, to bring the children some magic.

 

I cannot believe 2017 is almost over.

Welcome to December.

Here was October.