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my cheerful list

My Cheerful List #29

Welcome back to My Cheerful Post. A place to share cheerful moments which have made us smile during the week. In times where it seems impossible, it can be helpful to find something, no matter how small that moment is. Here is week 29

 

I have had an incredible week, involving so many emotions. Completely up, down and inspired.

One thing I do know I need to be free of worrying about what others think of me, I want to be free of caring about people who have little or no thought towards me. Because I know if I don’t, it WILL destroy me. Time and time again, I let these things ruin the best things for me. I shouldn’t.

There isn’t a particular ‘thing’ for this, so please don’t guess. I’ve heard it is an anxiety thing – overthinking; maybe that is what it is, but this overthinking will make me sick. It will eat me up and break me. I walked out of a hospital leaving my dead daughter behind; I carried on breathing. I can’t let anxiety or overthinking destroy me.

This week I wanted to give up the one thing I have been able to do for said daughter and that is to care for people, to look after people in their darkest of hours. But I can’t do that, I don’t bloody want to give it up either. I need to hold on and paint my own rainbow, and be the colour my brain needs to focus on; I am sick of looking through the grey. For a moment I felt lonely and worthless. I am not meant to feel this way.

“Don’t you dare give up. If I’m not allowed to you’re definitely not.”

Is part of one message I received, from one of the most inspirational people I know. I will not go any further. But this person has given me the kick I need to keep my head up, to keep breathing – to not drown. While someone else with the swear words, but meant the very same. I think have found my people.

I know it is a difficult time of year, and it does feel like I am wading through treacle sometimes; that is allowed. I can’t let life break me.

I am alive.

I can do anything but I can’t do everything.

London Baby

The week began with more snow and a trip to London. We didn’t know if it was going to go ahead because of the weather. But the charity who wanted to interview me was insistent I go; so they offered to move the interview time, and pay for a hotel. We ended up taking the younger two; one had a snow day, of course, the youngest was at home anyway. It really was the most amazing experience. There were a proper film crew and staging. The girls and my husband were able to watch while I was interviewed; then my husband was able to be interviewed too – I can’t wait to share what we have been up to.

I have never been to London before, we didn’t explore or stay long – but I am definitely a country girl!

 

Majorette Competition

The competition season has begun. First one was today, our troupe hosted; in two weeks time they will be competing, and my eldest daughter will turn 13!! Crazy. We did have an eventful start, with the fire alarms going off, and a visit from the fire brigade – early on a Sunday morning and the clocks moved forward too – brilliant. They did get a free bacon butty for their troubles. Very memorable.

 

Have a good week. This time next week is her anniversary, so we’ll see.

 

My Cheerful List #2

Thank you for joining week two of My Cheerful List. (Here is last week’s #1)

First full week of school begun this week; although Mini is still doing half days until the first week of October, it has been lovely to return to some kind of routine. However beginning reception has brought the obligatory cold fest. One chesty four year old and a two year old who is following suit; added vitamins from now on in. Mini is thankfully in good spirits, with a very noisy chest.

I have been feeling bloody awful this week, but amongst the feeling grotty I have managed to find a few cheerful things.

Moo Music

Beginning Baby Red’s Moo Music Journey. I’ve never been to a structured play group before; it has been almost a year since we left the toddler group I once loved. We both really enjoyed it; she most certainly did. Lots of singing, some signing, even dancing although Baby Red spent a lot of her time running around giggling in an endless circle. It was our first one to one outing too, which was lovely. It’ll be nice when we have longer in the day to do more things.

 

Planking

Completing my first week in the Darebee Planking and Push- Up challenges. I’m already struggling with them; I’m only on 1 minute and 20 seconds! It is for 30 days, only 1500 to go…

Sales

Going out with a friend; we went to a baby and toddler sale in Wellington; we go to them quite regularly in different places. Both being of bigger families the sales really help with keeping things like clothing costs down, whilst I guess recycling. I am a huge fan of eBay and car boot sales, charity shops too. This trip wasn’t as arm filling as usual, but I did buy some bits for Baby Red. Trying to get a decent photo of her in it wasn’t the easiest.

Drink and cake with said friend. Once we had finished at the sale we popped in and had cake and milkshake; which was lovely. I haven’t really been with company lately. It was nice to get out.

BLM Secret Sisters

There is an organisation on Facebook which pairs up parents who have lost a baby. For three months we are essentially pen pals; but with a difference. We don’t write to each other, the people organising it, gives me an address where I write to one mum, a different mum writes to me; all done in secret until the third month where we reveal our names and stories.

At the end we send gifts with a budget of £20, and during the 3 months you can send little gifts with your cards too, I received my first one for this round this week.

 

How has your week been?

Have you managed to find something cheerful in your week?

Thank you for reading

 

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