hyperemesis

Under Construction Six – Hyperemesis

16+6

Today saw me driving for the first time in weeks,
doing the school run for the first time in weeks.
I managed to go to the hospital, and even a very short stop in Asda.
The hospital, there is an aim to wean me off the steroids, which I am pleased about.
Given me new anti-sickness. They’re consultant only prescribed, so hoping they’re super!
The short stop in Asda aided another brave move, in buying the baby something.
Something I don’t like doing, especially this early. So baby now has two items of clothing,
albeit the first was part of a challenge set by a friend.
I’m beginning to get the anxious side moving in.

Nervous.

But have a lot of other thoughts going on for the next few weeks,
hoping that’ll help the weeks tick by.
Comparing the bump I had with my last baby at this stage,
makes me nervous, I know you shouldn’t compare, but no bump and no real movement.
Is making me very nervous.
But I know it was OK few days ago at scan,
I have an anterior placenta, my big worry with this, is so did Melody.
She never came home.I know I need to be talked down, but I also know these wobbles are normal.
Well to mums who have had later losses.
A new crazy, loony normal.
Its hard to explain, especially to people who very luckily, don’t understand.

Oh I think, without speaking too soon, the new tablets are working!

Fingers crossed hey.

I’ve managed for the first time in months to attempt to do some laundry.
Poor husband has literally had to do everything, whilst I’m left pickled in sick.
And for me its a huge step, not sure how long itll last, but feels good to feel like a normal wife and mum.

Feeling Fragile

It’s terribly hard not to compare previous pregnancies.
The pain of reliving such a significant loss, albeit a late loss or after birth like us.
The bad is engraved into your memory.

You see due to the hyperemesis I’ve no bump, being my 5th baby I expected one by now, comparing with this stage last time I had one.
The worry of movement, I know deep down baby is still diddy.
I’ve an anterior placenta, normal I hear you say.. And that it is.
If you’ve not got anxieties of a previous loss. A loss that also had an anterior placenta.
I know her birth and especially her death had nothing to do with my placenta position.

No break

But this is what happens when you’ve had such a loss, naivety, gone.
May be because we’re entering Melody’s months, that and pregnancy worries.
But right now feeling incredibly fragile, nerves are gone.
I heard it 6 days ago saw 5 days but the fear will stay.
Cried today without vomiting …an achievement!
I love Melody dearly, she’s my daughter.
But I do wish I didn’t have the head of a bereaved parent, there’s no day off no putting the thoughts into a playgroup or nursery so I can have a break.
There’s no rest from it, even if I tried.
She’s still my daughter and she’s still gone.
A day off, to feel like I’m having a normal worry free pregnancy. To actually enjoy it.

Hyperemesis and normality

I achieved lunch out with hubby and a friend
although the food sat heavy in my stomach, felt so good to be out.
So grateful to these two people.
Be lost without them.

So coming end of week and get to hear the bubba.
It really is keeping me sane to hear it.
Its a beautiful sound.

Can’t wait to have a decent bump!
Almost a week without vomiting.
Day Three of no steroids!
Really hoping this is the light at end of tunnel.
Now for nausea to go too!

Thank you for reading
Xx

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