Fingers crossed hey.
I’ve managed for the first time in months to attempt to do some laundry.
Poor husband has literally had to do everything, whilst I’m left pickled in sick.
And for me its a huge step, not sure how long itll last, but feels good to feel like a normal wife and mum.
It’s terribly hard not to compare previous pregnancies.
The pain of reliving such a significant loss, albeit a late loss or after birth like us.
The bad is engraved into your memory.
You see due to the hyperemesis I’ve no bump, being my 5th baby I expected one by now, comparing with this stage last time I had one.
The worry of movement, I know deep down baby is still diddy.
I’ve an anterior placenta, normal I hear you say.. And that it is.
If you’ve not got anxieties of a previous loss. A loss that also had an anterior placenta.
I know her birth and especially her death had nothing to do with my placenta position.
But this is what happens when you’ve had such a loss, naivety, gone.
May be because we’re entering Melody’s months, that and pregnancy worries.
But right now feeling incredibly fragile, nerves are gone.
I heard it 6 days ago saw 5 days but the fear will stay.
Cried today without vomiting …an achievement!
I love Melody dearly, she’s my daughter.
But I do wish I didn’t have the head of a bereaved parent, there’s no day off no putting the thoughts into a playgroup or nursery so I can have a break.
There’s no rest from it, even if I tried.
She’s still my daughter and she’s still gone.
A day off, to feel like I’m having a normal worry free pregnancy. To actually enjoy it.
I achieved lunch out with hubby and a friend
although the food sat heavy in my stomach, felt so good to be out.
So grateful to these two people.
Be lost without them.
So coming end of week and get to hear the bubba.
It really is keeping me sane to hear it.
Its a beautiful sound.
Can’t wait to have a decent bump!
Almost a week without vomiting.
Day Three of no steroids!
Really hoping this is the light at end of tunnel.
Now for nausea to go too!
Thank you for reading