Under Construction Part Eleven

Results from my lovely lot of bloods came back.
I have Nutritional Deficiency due to HG
None of which were a surprise.
Low HB,
Low folate
Low vitamin b
 low b12 its supposed to be 200,my level is 96.
low vitamin D…here’s hoping the sun shines soon!
So not surprising I feel so awful.
Now on a cocktail of medication. And a b12 injection to follow.

* * *

First big wobble this week.
When those bright rainbow colours fade to grey.
That reminder that my innocence of a blooming pregnancy has been stolen.
When I was pregnant with Melody – 23/24 weeks pregnant when I walked into my local surgery. To see a locum midwife, because I was swollen.
I knew full well what this may have meant as I’d had swelling with my first baby, which of course ended up being pre-eclampsia.
When I walked into that room, I wanted reassurance that it was just pregnancy chub, to be sent on my way. Not to be spoken to in such a rude way, it made me feel guilty for asking for reassurance and troubling anyone.
Then it was the words, blunt..”You don’t get pre-eclampsia before 28 weeks”
I felt silly.
12 days later Melody was born at 26+6 not only before 28 weeks with pre-eclampsia but it was HELLP syndrome too.
Fast forward to 2015 24 weeks with my hopeful second baby after loss.
I had what I could only describe as an upper bump pain.
A pain that could of course mean nothing. But at the same time one of those not to ignore symptoms.
It was getting late so sent a brief message to my midwife then remembered she was on a day off, so phoned the ward, I started the call stating I only wanted reassurance.
Brief description of history. And of course symptoms.
Only to hear those words…
“You don’t get pre-eclampsia at 24 weeks”
It floored me.
I just wanted the reassurance.
Came off the phone in tears to be honest, not because it wasn’t helpful.
But to hear the words I’d heard 3 years before.
I felt guilty once more.

Had Melody not taught anyone a thing?

This for me once again is why I struggle with the rainbow baby concept.
It’s not as easy as pretty colours, glitter and unicorns.
When you have had such a significant loss,
It is painful, it is heavy.
To find that strength
Is the only thing I can do…

For me that “storm” will never be over enough.

* * *

Weekly Midwife visit meant

An overnight visit to here,
(even one of the ward midwives was shocked to see that I had stayed! I do not stay in easily!)

Giving me one of these

(blood spillage included)
due to having a lot of Ketones in my samples, I needed to have a fair amount of fluids.
Three 2 litre bags was the total on discharge,(and IV anti-emetics) even they haven’t managed to clear all the Ketones,
sent home with a promise to sip often when I can.
Still feel lousy, but that can be a mix of the Ketones, and of course the HG having a nasty moment.
One chuckle of the evening would be my ‘next door neighbour’ being to worried to open her curtains
in case she “Caught HG”
Learning to accept that this may stay until the very end, I’d just like to be able to eat, not worry about leaving the house.
Collection from this lady
Made me glad I wasn’t staying in any longer, was the first time had spent the night away from her.
Here’s hoping there are no more stays until ‘D’ Day…
Only a week until next scan and consultant with a week of extra needles in between.
Love being the ultimate pin cushion!
But for now I am pleased to be home again.

Thank you for reading.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *