my cheerful list

My Cheerful List #29

Welcome back to My Cheerful Post. A place to share cheerful moments which have made us smile during the week. In times where it seems impossible, it can be helpful to find something, no matter how small that moment is. Here is week 29

 

I have had an incredible week, involving so many emotions. Completely up, down and inspired.

One thing I do know I need to be free of worrying about what others think of me, I want to be free of caring about people who have little or no thought towards me. Because I know if I don’t, it WILL destroy me. Time and time again, I let these things ruin the best things for me. I shouldn’t.

There isn’t a particular ‘thing’ for this, so please don’t guess. I’ve heard it is an anxiety thing – overthinking; maybe that is what it is, but this overthinking will make me sick. It will eat me up and break me. I walked out of a hospital leaving my dead daughter behind; I carried on breathing. I can’t let anxiety or overthinking destroy me.

This week I wanted to give up the one thing I have been able to do for said daughter and that is to care for people, to look after people in their darkest of hours. But I can’t do that, I don’t bloody want to give it up either. I need to hold on and paint my own rainbow, and be the colour my brain needs to focus on; I am sick of looking through the grey. For a moment I felt lonely and worthless. I am not meant to feel this way.

“Don’t you dare give up. If I’m not allowed to you’re definitely not.”

Is part of one message I received, from one of the most inspirational people I know. I will not go any further. But this person has given me the kick I need to keep my head up, to keep breathing – to not drown. While someone else with the swear words, but meant the very same. I think have found my people.

I know it is a difficult time of year, and it does feel like I am wading through treacle sometimes; that is allowed. I can’t let life break me.

I am alive.

I can do anything but I can’t do everything.

London Baby

The week began with more snow and a trip to London. We didn’t know if it was going to go ahead because of the weather. But the charity who wanted to interview me was insistent I go; so they offered to move the interview time, and pay for a hotel. We ended up taking the younger two; one had a snow day, of course, the youngest was at home anyway. It really was the most amazing experience. There were a proper film crew and staging. The girls and my husband were able to watch while I was interviewed; then my husband was able to be interviewed too – I can’t wait to share what we have been up to.

I have never been to London before, we didn’t explore or stay long – but I am definitely a country girl!

 

Majorette Competition

The competition season has begun. First one was today, our troupe hosted; in two weeks time they will be competing, and my eldest daughter will turn 13!! Crazy. We did have an eventful start, with the fire alarms going off, and a visit from the fire brigade – early on a Sunday morning and the clocks moved forward too – brilliant. They did get a free bacon butty for their troubles. Very memorable.

 

Have a good week. This time next week is her anniversary, so we’ll see.

 

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