Author Archives: The Red Head Diaries

About The Red Head Diaries

Mama to five beautiful red heads. With a love of sharing our memories and adventures.

what happened to me? flash fiction

What Happened To Me?

Did they think I couldn’t see them? The pair of them had been stood in the corner, whispering and staring at me for hours. One dressed in white, the other in black. The one in white would step towards me, whilst the one in black tore her back towards him.

What do they want? Why don’t they want to come any closer to me? Who are they?

I can’t move, I have no real idea of where I am. There are people stood close to me, some look familiar, but I couldn’t tell you who they are exactly. My brain is working, but I can’t speak; I don’t know why I can’t talk either. I used to talk, I am sure of it. But why can’t I now? I want to rub my blurry eyes, but I can’t move my hands, I can’t even feel my arms let alone move them.

What had happened to me?

I looked to the corner to the two people stood with their arms crossed, staring. Why had nobody else acknowledged them? Why wasn’t anyone else asking them?

“Miranda!” I can see my wife. I am trying so hard to grab her attention; I need her to talk for me, he looks so sad. But I am okay, I just can’t talk. Why isn’t anyone trying to communicate with me?

I can’t hear anything.

“ARRRGGGGHHHH.” So screaming isn’t working, I need to break free from this state. Miranda stepped away, I can’t see her.

People in uniform surrounded me, they’re touching me. Holding my legs, my hands. I wanted Miranda, where is my Miranda?

The uniformed people stood back, the two strangers stepped forward. One either side of me. I can see their mouths were moving.

The woman in white placed her hands over my chest. The pain, the pain burned through my skin, that skin no longer felt like mine. I could feel myself draining from my veins.

What was happening? I tried to stop her, but of course I can’t move.

The man in black, grabbed my face with his cold bare hands, pressed his lips against mine. Pinning my tongue between his teeth, planting what felt like a sting onto it.

As I leave the body I once knew, I was stood in the corner. So many people stood around watching as my life fades away. The final breath of life taken, the last of the pain felt.

I can’t see anything. Everything has gone black.

majorette wins

My Cheerful List #35

Week 35 begins with the baby loss support group I run once a month in my local area – Little Daffodils. A remembrance candle lighting service has been arranged for October with one of the local churches. We have done one before, it was really lovely.

 

Midweek Outing

We found ourselves at Soft Play again, the weather wasn’t great, so it was another indoor outing, and the little ones like that particular one, as it is easy for them to do by themselves.

We had a quick trip to the shops and then a spot of lunch. The children always enjoy these outings, as do I!

 

Writing

I managed to get some fiction work written last week. Three pieces in two days; these have been scheduled for the weeks ahead. The Wind Walkers are this week’s instalment. I am hoping I can keep this up, as I really do love writing, I just get so tired lately that I don’t find the energy to even be awake, let alone write. I hope you enjoy it.

 

Gardening

We have managed to get some bits of the garden done this weekend. We can only do a bit at a time, due to finances, slow but hopefully it won’t take long to get it completed now. We have brambles at the end in our daughter’s memory garden, but the roots are in our neighbours’ garden, but we do need to be ruthless if we want our garden to be pretty. We also going to gravel the bedding borders, we’re not great at gardening, so can put pot plants there instead!

 

Barbecue

Having a tidier garden meant for an impromptu BBQ. We, as a family had put one on our food planner; then friends said they would be making a delivery, so they ended up joining us and another friend who I’d not seen for ages, it was lovely.

Majorette Wins

Another competition week is done, it was an incredibly hot one! But all the children seemed to have a wonderful time, and did so well! The troupe came away with nine trophies, plus medals for individual games at lunchtime, one of my daughters came away with a medal for individual marching, she came third. And she won best mascot for her Pom routine!

 

I am incredibly proud of all them for doing this hobby, my eldest daughter smiled throughout her routine, and my son really gave it his all. I can’t wait for the next lot!

 

Have a lovely week, I hope the weather holds out for a few weeks now, we’ll see.

flash fiction

Fiction Friday: The Wind Walkers

The snooze alarm bounded by my bedside; he wasn’t ready for the alarm, but being on the day shift. He had better get up.

Jude was not a huge fan of breakfast; so he grabbed a slice of toast and a travel mug full of black coffee. He relied heavily on the caffeine for his my job! Living on site has its perks because he didn’t have to get up too long before his shift starts.

Stepping out, he couldn’t quite tell what the weather would be today; it looked like it is going to be nice and dry, which meant it would be a hot one.

Jude left his home and walked to one minute distance to his place of work. He didn’t like being even a minute late, although the workforce worked alone in their offices; they were also a community too.

In Jude’s area there were three offices, two had elevators to the one and only floor. But the other building had nearly 600 steps to reach the top floor. Nobody ever wanted to work that building, but nobody offered to take turns either, it was very much first come first choice. Today it was Jude who arrived a millisecond too late!

His day began as the white automatic doors opened, stepping through the entrance the doors slide closed behind him. The first part of the stair case was dark, not completely as the tiny windows a little way up the staircase let some light in. Doing the job, walking the stairs every single day, you would expect it to get easier. It didn’t. As Jude reached the 100th step, he took a moment to look out of the window. He opened it slightly to let some air through to him; enjoying the fresh air he took a sip from his travel mug, and then continued climbing the building.

Before long he had reached the very top. He walked over to the windows and gave his co-workers a little wave. Although he absolutely loved his job, he at times did feel lonely. He did have a head set to talk to them if he wanted. Before making conversation he needed to set his work station up for the day.

Temperature gauge for outside – checked

Temperature gauge for inside – checked.

Safety Alarms – checked.

Weather Station – checked. There wasn’t a lot of wind out there, which meant Jude’s day got a little bit harder.

Finally a full safety inspection for the blade runners; this was a job that needed to be done every day, at the beginning, in the middle and even at the end of the shift.

All boxes ticked; Jude stepped onto the blade runner, putting his headset and mouth piece in place. It was time for him to begin. It always took at least 20 footsteps for the mechanics to begin its job; the blades on the outside of the building began to turn.

The wind turbines were up and running for another day.

maternal mental health

Maternal Mental Health Awareness

Maternal mental health week.
I’d never really bloomed in pregnancy, hyperemesis playing a big part of each of them. I felt lucky to have only gotten away with “baby blues” after my first two babies. I was tired, I cried but I don’t remember having any of the fog. I felt happy.

It wasn’t until my third baby, when I was told I was suffering from Antenatal Depression. This baby was going to be our rainbow after miscarriages; it was to be our first baby together, our honeymoon baby.
I was meant to bloom and enjoy those pregnancy months.

Once again the hyperemesis kicked in, I felt incredibly isolated, I’d cry on a daily basis; one day I even locked myself in my car and cried for an hour, I still don’t know how I left that car that day. Life felt so overwhelming, nothing felt right, yet everything was perfect.
We were so excited, but I couldn’t be happy.
My baby had reduced movements on a regular basis, each time I was told it was because I was depressed; making me feel even more low, and like a failure.
Developing pre-eclampsia at 23 weeks sent my emotions plummeting, continuing to blame myself; my body was again letting my baby down.
Just under 27 weeks our daughter was born, that rush of love was slow, I couldn’t hold her I had to watch as they took her away, not knowing if I’d see her alive again.
The weeks we spent in special care my emotions were up and down, they were all over the place. Every tear I shed made me feel guilt, because I was meant to be happy that she survived her early birth.
I was battling with poor support, being made to feel what I was doing was not good enough. I think that had a massive effect on my mental health. I found it very hard to bond with her; sharing her with medics and watching her grow through a box, was incredibly difficult.

But at five weeks old our daughter died from Sepsis; it was sudden and devastating.
The grief broke me, emotions I never knew even existed, the way it made me feel can’t be written in words, or explained. Just because it is so unimaginable.

I was open from the very beginning about her death, I wanted to keep her memory alive, but keep strong for my family, especially for my children. During the days and weeks which followed it often felt like we were living in a fish bowl, where everyone was watching and waiting for us to drown, or break into a thousand pieces. In the attempt to protect others’ crying or showing emotion in public wasn’t ever a real option. Hearing about baby death is hard to hear.

Her death changed me.

 

Falling pregnant again wasn’t an easy decision to make, but it was one we did fairly quickly – maybe too quickly. It wasn’t the easiest of things to do either. Hit by the hyperemesis yet again. Rather than enjoyment it was terrifying, and the fear didn’t end when she was born. Parenting after loss is completely different from before. I don’t know a lot, and wing it a lot of the time, but I know that children die, and how too.

I was relieved when the pregnancy was over and reaching the magical 35 days felt like a weight had been lifted. But nothing mentally is the same. I didn’t know if I wanted to ever be pregnant again.

 

After another miscarriage and some discussion we fell pregnant with our youngest daughter. Living with the death of our daughter has broken me as I mentioned above; but I with our youngest I had severe Hyperemesis, where I couldn’t even lift my head from my pillow at times. Being sick with every movement.

A fear of being sick in public brought pain and anxiety whenever I did venture out. Using three lots of strong anti-sickness medication made me feel incredibly anxious that I was hurting our baby; the effects it would have on her. But I simply couldn’t function without them. Aside from the baby-loss, this bout of hyperemesis was the worst time of my life. It should have been the best time. I felt so ungrateful when I was carrying a healthy baby but I was desperate for her due date, wishing the time away so quickly. When just three years before; our daughter had died.

The emotions with our youngest daughter tore me apart, from guilt – that if I complained too much about being sick, she might die. I felt amongst the vomiting40/50+ times a day I HAD to be happy. I HAD to be excited. I NEEDED this baby to come home; I had put so much pressure on myself.

By this pressure I think it made it very hard for me to bond with our youngest when she was born, I was so sick yet so focussed on bringing our baby home and avoiding a hospital stay that maybe I had forgotten to learn how to love her through my pregnancy.

I hate that. I hate that the one thing I was placed on this earth to do as a woman, I, not failed as such as I do parent 4 beautiful children, I am lucky to be mum to five. But bloody hell I felt like I had failed the one thing I had looked forward to doing in life, which was pregnancy and birth.

By not having that textbook pregnancy, it impacted on my mental health, because I wasn’t enjoying them, or behaving the way other pregnant mums around me were. When I see other Mums excited about wanting another baby, even after a loss; I wish I could feel that.

For me, it feels me with dread; I was sterilised at the last birth, and we somehow ended up having a miscarriage at the end of 2017. I didn’t know I was pregnant, it was circumstances at the time, where we were told- but I hate to say that I felt relief. Total and utter relief, I know that I will probably get some kind of judgement; of course, it is sad. But I cannot go through another pregnancy again – ever.

 

Maternal Mental Health certainly should never be a taboo – ever. It affects everything, our bodies, and our brains. Being able to parent properly; with the right support network that “light” at the end of a very dark tunnel with come through. It takes a whole village to raise a family.

I am not the person my husband married in 2011; but I am glad he loves who I am now too –in the words of James Arthur “He made me feel as though I was enough.”

maternal mental health awareness

Life is just plain ugly- you need to see the ugly to appreciate the beauty which surrounds us

 

April Favourites

I was hoping that this month we would finally have some kind of warmer weather settling in. We were incredibly lucky and had three days of sun. I think that was our summer for 2018. Another month which has flown by.

 

Mum to a teenager.

Well, it has finally happened, my eldest daughter became an official teenager, although she has behaved liked one for years!! She celebrated with a joint party, with one of her oldest friends. They had a wonderful time, although I think they spent more time on their phones than actually dancing! Sign of the times I guess…

 

Social Life…of a five year old!

The amount of birthday parties that have occurred recently has been crazy; her social diary is a lot busier than mine ever is! It is hard to keep up. I am glad that she is making some friends; there have a been a few moments where she says nobody plays with her, or that she feels left out. But she does seem to get on with everyone. Social little Butterfly.

 

Friendships

These are bringing a few more dates to the diary; it is lovely. With her social life, brings people to me too; I am relieved we made the right choice with schools.

 

Majorette Competitions

The season had just begun when I wrote my last round-up. The troupe have since collected many trophies, with my son and youngest majorette winning best mascot in their sections, and the youngest majorette won herself overall mascot too. We’re all so incredibly proud of them. They really seem to enjoy being part of it and performing; the three of them have made some wonderful friends there too.

 

Dieting

This month I am still enjoying being meat-free. I haven’t really missed it, apart from the various party foods; but let’s face it I can do without eating it anyway!

With the few days of nice weather, it was great to drag the salads out! When out on competition days, I have enjoyed taking overnight oats and sneaked in naughty cheese and tomato sandwiches. I rediscovered tomatoes straight from the vine – the smell takes me straight back to my childhood, when my grandparents used to grow the majority of their vegetable stash.

 

So, during the month of April I have lost approximately 6lb, with a gain in there too. 6lb is a loss, not a big one, but it is a loss. I am working my mind set to now get this weight off, and for it to stay off.

I don’t do the paid diets, I can’t quite get my head around them, so I calorie count. I can keep an eye on exactly what is going in my mouth. I can even sneak in a naughty Freddo bar; still not happy that they’re no longer 10p!!

So, this month I have concentrated on using the My Fitness Pal app, which doesn’t just measure calories but other things that we should watch for, like fats and carbs. My husband over on Shave the Wookiee lost an amazing amount when he first ever used it and is using it again now, but it doing more of a fitness regime using weights. Check out his blog!

 

Exercise

I went to the pool once, I don’t swim but I do love being in the water.

Using the pedal machine a lot more; I can watch a film, or feed the toddler whilst doing this which is very handy!

A new app, which my friend (CB) has introduced to me – she is probably reading, so I thought I’d mention her…The app is Lose Weight in 30 days. At the time of writing, I have been doing it for just over a week. It is really easy and gives you a step by step guide to the routines. I hope it works.

Upping the walking too, the weather isn’t brilliant, but a group of us have made a point of going out once a week walking. We certainly clock up the miles, talking loads, we hardly notice.

Links

Then she was gone

Nobody’s Army

Caesarean Section Awareness Month

Getting Through a Caesarean Section

Neonatal Care

My Still Standing Contribution

 

Excited for what May will bring.

cheerful

My Cheerful List #34

We have reached week 34. I have found this week to have flown by, with not a lot that has happened. We have slipped nicely back into routines from the holidays, which seem like such a lifetime ago.

I have struggled a lot this week, with events in the media; I am okay it just felt a little heavier than I anticipated. It is nice to have an understanding friend whom I have been able to be very open with my thoughts without being judged. It is very difficult to find the right support for these occasions, the organisations who set out to support aren’t always there, meaning having friends who really understand is priceless.

I have been poorly this week too, the arthritis has not been my friend, and tonsils have also pained me. Making me very drowsy on Saturday, leaving my only day off this weekend being asleep! Not impressed.

 

Midweek Outing

Went out with a friend again and her children to soft play, and lunch. I hope the weather changes for the better soon; there is only so much soft play we can endure. Although this particular one was very quiet, with only a couple other children there, makes the experience a lot nicer.

 

Keeping Fit

The previous week we began a regular walking evening, this week was no different. We took a different route; where I became the entertainment, getting both of my trainers stuck in the mud! I must admit it was hilarious, but I think we need to save those lanes for a dry spell!! I have the bug to try and lose this blasted weight! This week I have lost 4lb 9oz! I am very pleased with that effort; I hope to repeat the same next week.

 

Majorette Display

My Cheerful week is concluded with two of my majorette children displaying at a local Volkswagen festival. It was a little wet under foot, but they all seemed to really enjoy themselves. They’re such a lovely team.

 

They forecast snow and wintery weather for the coming week, let’s hope it is all lies….It’ll be May!!

neonatal care

Neonatal Care Taking

You never expect your baby to go anywhere else when they are born, apart from in your arms or in a cot beside your bed. You never really plan on these types of things.

I certainly didn’t when my first born went into the special care unit; actually even the hospital wasn’t expecting her to be spending her first days of life there either. I remember her jumping the queue and taking a twin’s bed, a Mum who was meant to be induced had to wait a little while longer, because our tiny bundle took the bed.

It was when I had my third baby (second to go to special care), that we had the more intense stay. Both though meant confusing times. I thought I would share with you some tips we found that could have helped us both inside and outside of the unit.

Car Park

 

It will be the least of your problems, but unfortunately if and when you go home, it could cause problems…Car Parks, a lot of the hospitals have private firms and they are pretty strict with their paring rules. Some hospitals offer money off vouchers or even free ticket if you have a long stay minor – this will include a premature or sick newborn. Ask one of the admin team, nurse or onsite car park offices for details. It can become really expensive; we worked out had we made it to the 100 average stay, the car park could have cost us more than our car insurance!

Maybe see if you have friends or family who live nearby, some people rent drive space for a lot cheaper than car parks too.

 

Onsite Accommodation

There is often a waiting list for these facilities, you don’t always get told about them; get your name down on the list as soon as you are able to. They are helpful to have so that you can be closer to your child.

 

Food

You really do need to keep your strength up when spending time in the hospital, it is hot and exhausting; so getting decent food and drink inside of you is as important as feeding your child. We found ourselves sourcing junk food, because it was easier; quicker. Living on takeaways or sandwiches wasn’t ideal. The hospital restaurants are either don’t have a lot of choice or is expensive, many hospitals have well known shops, and cafes but aren’t always the cheaper versions. Have friends and family put together healthier picnics, a lot of the family kitchens have microwaves or resources to reheat things like leftover homemade cottage pie; even if you’re staying at home and visiting daily rather than staying, having people help cook goes along way.

 

Rest

It is very difficult trying to rest in the circumstances, you need to make those all-important bonding days count; but you also need to replenish your energy; the heat of the wards are exhausting, get fresh air, take a break; even if it is to do one lap of the grounds. Your child needs you to be rested. But don’t feel forced to leave the unit either, do what you feel comfortable with in leaving your baby.

 

Ask Questions

Okay, so I get to the parenting bit. One thing I regret massively is not asking enough questions; of course we asked some – but we didn’t question or second guess what the health care professionals were doing. You CAN get a second opinion, especially if your first answer wasn’t clear enough; it is so scary and so confusing. Have a note pad to jot questions that come to mind when you are away from the hospital – typically that happens a lot. Jot the answers too, you can always return to them later if everything seems a mess.

 

Finally – most importantly

Remember that baby, that child is YOURS; there are so many times where that is forgotten, where you are forgotten as a parent. If you are unsure of something, then speak up you are your child’s voice, you are there to get to know your baby and love them. It is so hard watching while the world cares for your baby, but don’t ever be made to feel like they’re not yours. Talk to your baby, if you’re having communication difficulties with the staff, the charity BLISS are good for advocating for parents. The staff are doing their best; but remember so are you.

Take each and every single day as it comes. Remind yourself you are raising a miracle.

cheerful

My Cheerful List #33 Winning!

Week 33 of My Cheerful List. I was just reading through previous weeks; and in those weeks loads of things have happened. Ups and downs, busy lives; happy and sad times. The fourth month of the year is almost done, where is the time going?

 

Sunshine

We have finally seen some lovely weather this week; it has been a very long time coming. Was working, but I did manage to get our huge pile of washing finished and dried. I don’t think it is set to last sadly though.

 

Little Outing

We’d planned to go to a local soft-play, but as the weather was amazing, and not knowing how long it would last, we took to the park instead. We met with a little boy and his mum, who will be going to school with our youngest. They played so lovely together, had lunch and just enjoyed the sunshine.

 

Back on the Wagon

So, I have taken to moving my ass back on the wagon and begun getting healthy again. Counting calories, has always been a winner for me, it is the willpower to stick to it that I find hard. I love learning about what I out in my mouth and when I am in the right frame of mind, I am more hesitant to putting crap in my mouth.

I am a comfort eater, so I do need to keep my spirits up so I can keep my weight low. As well as turning to healthier eating, I have upped the exercise regime, not as much as my husband – I am in awe of his willpower to keep going, he has done amazingly. He will admit he has had a slower week this week, but it has been a week of shit sleepers – worse than usual!

Anyway, I went out with two friends, and we walked, I think I worked out to be about 6 miles altogether. We chatted, giggled it was free! It didn’t feel like we had been walking for a couple of hours, so we’re going to go out again.

 

Winning!

Competition Day, it was a long one and we were about 2 hours away from home. But the children had such a wonderful time. It is always an adventure when we travel a little further afield; it brings smiles and certainly makes memories.

The children’s troupe took home seven trophies, and our very own red brought two of them herself by winning, best tiny tot Pom mascot, and best overall mascot. We’re all very proud of her, she is of herself too.

Looking forward to the next one.

I hope you have all had a good week.

 

winning

caesarean section tips

Getting Through a Caesarean Section

Having a caesarean section is never an easy option. Some opinions wouldn’t agree, but having major abdominal surgery to safely deliver a healthy baby is too often the only option.

Although I was induced and tried for many, many hours to have a vaginal birth; it still resulted in an emergency caesarean. My first daughter was born small but safe. I went on to have a further four, with a mixture of electives and an emergency. No two were the same, but each gave me a baby.

Here are a few things which helped me during the recovery.

My final caesarean I was also sterilised, so my abdomen was a lot more sensitive than my other babies’.

Suitcase Goodies

I played Suitcase Tetris so many times, in the months (yes I said months!) leading up to the caesarean dates; if I am honest I still packed too much!

I don’t need to tell you the obvious for you and baby – so here are maybe some of the less obvious ones.

  • Straws (non-plastic of course). It isn’t the easiest to move after the operation so; to manage a drink isn’t easy either. But you really do need to keep your fluids up.
  • Flip-flops (or Slides). Footwear that is waterproof, easy to get on so you can wear them in the shower; hospital showers aren’t always the nicest under foot – but also you lose a lot of fluid too.
  • I was always offered tea and toast once back in recovery (why is that always one of the best meals you ever get?!). Pack something healthy and naughty to nibble on in the middle of the night.
  • Coffee sachets. You can often get your favourite coffee made up in individual sachets.
  • Maternity Pads, the hospital do supply some, but they’re often not as nice as the ones you get from the shops. There’s also the option of postpartum cloth sanitary towels too, which are even more comfortable.
  • Dry Shampoo. The hospital gets very hot and sticky, and while waiting for your anaesthetic to wear off the spray can make you feel a little more human.

 

The Birth

You can request skin to skin with your new baby, it wasn’t until my 5th baby that I knew this could be done, if you have the screens it isn’t the most comfortable of positions, but it can be done, and so wonderfully beneficial to both you and baby.

Cord Clamping, again this wasn’t something which was done until my 5th baby, but I have a wonderful photo of my daughter sprawled out on my legs, while still being connected; I won’t show as she is completely naked, legs and arms stretched out completely brand new!

Photos, there is most likely someone available to take photos of the birth if your partner isn’t comfortable, or if you would rather your partner be next to you. My very first baby a health care professional took photos of the whole birth, right to when she was born. My last baby as I mentioned before I have a photo of her chilling out waiting for her cord to stop.

Also be prepared if your baby is born in a rush, or unexpectedly poorly, there may not be an opportunity for photos; rest assured should you be separated there will (hopefully) be other opportunities.

Little Extras

You don’t have to have visitors; you are well within your rights to say no. If is incredibly overwhelming having this tiny new human to look after without out queues of visitors. Of course, they’re excited and happy for you; but (providing baby is healthy and coming home) they really do have plenty of time to meet baby. The bed spaces aren’t big either, so can feel claustrophobic too.

Have a towel or muslin cloth handy to hold across your stomach while coughing or laughing, this helps with the pain giving a little support to your new stitches. Try and move as much as you can to relieve any stiffness.

Going home; I was incredibly lucky to go home 24 hours after delivery with three of my babies. To be honest our youngest two we made sure this request was taken care of due to anxieties of being in the hospital. Make sure you do rest when you go home; take one day at a time. Remember to take regular pain medication, there are no prizes or point scoring if you do or don’t accept the pain medication.

Ask for help; accept offers of cooked meals, or babysitting any other children. Not all Dads can get the time off after, or at least not long enough when it comes to recovery.

 

Finally

Enjoy being waited on if you are able to. Enjoy your newborn. If you have to turn away extra visitors due to hormones, or feeding or just simply wanting time alone to adjust; have no guilt in doing so. If and when you do have visitors, let them make the tea!

Settling in with a new baby can be hard work without the added surgical pain; take your own time.

 

 

Congratulations on your new baby!

cheerful

My Cheerful List #32 Finding Friendship

Welcome back to My Cheerful Post. A place to share cheerful moments which have made us smile during the week. In times where it seems impossible, it can be helpful to find something, no matter how small that moment is. Here is week 32

Summer Term

First week back from the Easter Break, we have done virtually nothing. It has been nice to be back to a routine, but it has only just made me regret not doing a lot over the Easter break – of course the chicken pox put a stop to doing a great deal, but by not doing something always gives me some kind of “mummy guilt.” It has been lovely being back to work, as always it feels like I’ve never been away.

 

Midweek Plans

This week, although still very damp underfoot the rain held off enough to take a walk around one of our local National Trust properties. I love having a membership, especially during the nicer weather; the children love visiting them too. I really hope the warmer weather will be here soon.

 

Charity Things

We have received the videos to the interview we had last month; I feel incredibly proud to be a part of something so amazing. I find it strange to know that I did have a small part on this, when I really don’t have the confidence or self-esteem to do these sorts of things. I have also almost completed the first stage of a little package I have wanted to put together for a while, but I don’t know why – same with writing my novels – but I get so far, then fear kicks on and then I stop moving forward. I just pause anything I am doing; then regret it!

I don’t know why I do this, I need to stop letting fear waste my time, especially when I see others with similar ideas! Anyway I am hoping that the first little project will be up and running by the end of May, June at the latest.

 

Saturday Fun

My five year old had a birthday party; she was able to spend time with some of her closest friends. I asked her if she has a best friend; she replied “no”. For a second I felt a little bit of sadness, when she continued and said “they’re all my best friends, mummy.” I think finding friendships is always a big worry when you’re a parent; I do worry for her sometimes when she isn’t always part for the crowd. But I do think she has found her tribe.

I am glad; while she has found hers… four of us left our daughters to party while we had our own little party.

I say party, what I mean is child-free lunch. Where we could chat, drink AND eat; without stopping 25,000 times. I, too think I may have found mine.

 

Have a lovely week – I hear it is going to be a warm one!